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Monday, 26 August 2013

This is the week ...

Today (Monday) is the start of Hearing Awareness Week ... and what better way to promote that ~ my Cochlear Implant 'Switch on' is this Wednesday!
Specialists have told me not to expect too much & to have realistic expectations & yet they are telling me to bring friends & family along for the switch on ... But then again, the world always is my little tiny world anyway, I have no friends here & I have no family. My Mum lives in NZ, won't be here so its only hubby & lil miss. We are only a small team but still.
I am anxious, I am nervous, I am scared, I don't think I am excited or anything positive. I figure if I expect the worst, then anything that happens is a bonus.
The whole things will take 2hrs & no doubt having a 3yr old with us, she will be bored & need to be taken out for some of it. I am scared of being alone without hubby & lil miss. They have been my wall to hide behind for years now.

I know I need to do this though. I need to start learning how to gain my independence back & hopefully get my life back on track. We have sorted out a way to deal with my follow up appointments by having lil miss at kindy on those days (most of them are on Wednesdays), then hubby will work from home on those days & be there to pick up lil miss as I won't get home in time since public transport isn't frequent enough in these parts.

I am scared & nervous about this Wednesday. Why? Coz my stupid vanity I think. I am currently sick with a nasty cold - the same one I have had since beginning of July. It just keeps going & returning. This time, I have nasty infection / scabs on the end of my nostrils. It is so nasty I hate it. I am so uncomfortable all the time & the top of my throat feels like someone has taped a massive horse tablet on the top of my throat which makes swallowing terrible.

Its all around the face, so the thought of having a video on my face / body at the time of the switch on is terrifying to me. Its rare that you will see a photo of me. I have never liked photos of myself. I do them when I have to rather than when I want to. I don't want to look back on this time & regret it, so I know I will have the photos & the video. At the worst, I can just stash them away at the bottom of my drawers & never look at them again.

But just the thought of it all, scares me. To be honest, we are not a photo family. We don't say "take a photo of me". So I don't know when we should have the photos. Part of me is thinking if we had someone else in there with us, they could just shoot the camera & video when they want & then we'd be left with whatever they took & be done with it. Maybe thats what I should have thought about. Maybe that is a reason I should have had my Mum here with me. I know i'll have hubby there, but really - I don't imagine he'll be taking photos much when its not something we do but also, he has a 3yr old to entertain during the whole thing. He won't be able to be in the room much, coz wheneever the 2 of them are in the room - lil miss wants to be with me & sit on me.

All will be revealed after 2 more sleeps! Once again I remind myself, to have low expectations & then everything else that happens is a bonus. 

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