Got an email from my surgeon today with a date to get my Cochlear Implant! Freak out time, its actually happening! Its still over 5mths away due to my stupid private hospital insurance policy but still, its happening.
I feel scared, numb, excited, unsure, worried & so many other things.
I haven't had a surgery since lil miss was born (i've had a lot of surgeries in my time!). I realise now that this doesn't just involve me, hubby & my Mum. If something goes wrong, then my lil girl gets affected too!
In 2007 I had endoscopic procedure & I was scared of something going wrong or me dying (obviously i'm sure thats a main concern for anyone going "under"). I was scared about leaving my furbabies at the time as we got Ozzie & Scotty after buying our own home in 2006. Thats how important they are to me. Looking back now though I realise that its nothing compared to the thought of leaving my lil girl without her Mum.
And then there is the chance that the surgery will not achieve all its supposed to. What if I get this done & the implant doesn't work for me? If I get no hearing out of it? What if they hit a nerve & i'm paralysed in some sort of way that scares my daughter, or god forbid, prevents me from being able to look after my daughter!?