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Monday, 9 September 2013

Why hubby is dying a slow painful death :P

 Let me get one thing straight - hubby is not really dying obviously!

BUT, let it also be known, that hubby loves his sounds & loves his youtube videos, watching demo's, movie previews computer games, Linux seminars & whatever else on youtube!And throwing cutlery into the kitchen sink! Arghhh

But when you are me, & you are learning to hear again for the first time in years - every sound is LOUD! After my week 1 appointment last Thursday, things have gotten awfully loud for me. Anything relating to computers is loud. Oil on the frypan sizzling away - terrible!! For me that was like the water tap on full pressure shooting out of the tap. I actually turned off my sound processor during cooking time. It was that bad.

Putting pegs in the peg basket today was like throwing each peg onto a microphone. Remember last week when I said that I could actually hear this but it was fine last week. This week however, my brain has gotten more volume into it. Confusing world this CI business!

Paper crinkling & plastic bags - like the ones that the frozen vegetables, bread, or chippie packets come in. OMG make it stop!

And lil miss putting her "little people" plastic toys back in the box when cleaning up - when they touch (a little people falling onto another little people), its like someone just slapped a hand in my ear or louder!

This is the tricky part of the CI journey I think. Its finding out when is it too loud & things that seem too loud now, may not be so by the end of the week, when my head starts to tolerate it. From my understanding, what I am hearing now - the volume that my sound processor is currently set at, is not actually that loud. (This is how I think it is anyway - I need to confirm that at the next appointment to help my understanding of why its like this). So what I think my level is now, is not seen as loud in the "real world", but to me, for my head to not have heard it for so many years, its loud & yuck basically. Once my head gets used to the sound, that sound decreases & it feels "normal" or better.

People say that I must be over the moon to hear my daughter now. Of course. Absolutely! Words cannot express what I feel now that I can hear my daughter. BUT having said that, i'm not actually hearing her actual voice. Her voice to me, is different from what it actually is. What I am hearing, honestly, is an Irish accent. BUT, also, most things I haven't heard before sound like that. TV shows are sounding like that.

So at the moment, this week, hearing is very difficult & loud for me. I think thats a good thing, it might mean i'm finding where my groove is going to sit. I have an appointment this week & then I have the following week with no appointment! So, there will still be more adjusting as we go along, but hopefully this weeks adjustments will change my volume for me to a more comfortable level & it may be OK at that level for a while, or maybe long term anyway.

Other interesting news since I last posted. There is a new baby in the (extended) family. This will obviously be the first time I get to hear it, but I didn't feel this way when this person had their last baby. I wasn't wanting to go visit them at the hospital etc. I didn't feel that emotion. That may be because I am now a mum. But also, I think it possibly has a lot to do with the fact that I can hear. I will be able to hear the baby cry & coo & all of that. I can make a conversation with the parents & even talk about my experiences or compare or something. Im actually excited & looking forward to a couple of weeks time when we get to meet the new addition of the family. So that is something else I haven't yet experienced.

Having this amazing technology is also giving me some down time. Its making me realise all the things I have missed out. I'm not living with regrets, but more of "if only" perhaps. The last time I talked to my Dad on the phone I was hardly able to hear him (and those that know my dad, will know thats hard coz he talked loud! lol). He died soon after that phone call. So I was never able to talk to him again.

I'm also realising that I have been to many funerals over the years. I haven't heard them either. They have all been close members of my family & in most cases i've been able to get the eulogy of the person, printed out for me so I can at least follow that & know what has been said. One funeral that I have no idea about unfortunately is my own Dad.  The eulogy was spoken by my Dads partners son (from her 1st marriage). I don't have contact with them, so I can't get hold of what was said. I have absolutely no idea what it said. That is my regret. I have been trying for years to get my hands on it. One day I will. I am determined. There is also a video of the funeral apparently. Another thing I haven't got my hands on. My half siblings seem to have fallen off the earth & so I am unable to get their copies.

I also missed out on hearing our wedding. I know what hubby wrote for his vows (I was the one that typed it out for him lol). But I didn't get that special moment to hear him saying it. I didn't get to hear the celebrant speaking. Again, I know what she said coz I was the one that organised it all & typed it all up. But these are just my feelings. I know I have heard before in life & I know that I am now hearing again, but this little sink hole of the period I haven't heard - these things bother me.

I have a dream to renew our vows in May 2015, for our 10th Anniversary. I have always felt that, but now I have my hearing & its going great, its added more fire & fight into me to make that happen. It will be small, it will be cheap. I don't want to go over the top like some people do, but I want to do it again, purely to say I was able to hear at my wedding! I completely understand that if deaf people have a wedding & don't have regrets. Thats awesome. These are just my thoughts about me remember. This is my way of my life & this is how I feel. So stay tuned! I wish we had our own home by then, but I don't think that is going to happen. But you just never know ;)

Things I am hearing lately:

  • On Saturday, 7th September I heard my sewing machine for the first time. I have heard sewing machines before, but never this one & I don't think i've heard a computerised one before either. Switching it on & hearing it "beep beep" & make noises when I change the stitch etc. Fun! 
  • Heard my rotary cutter while in the sewing room. And just the scraping of the ruler across the cutting mat. That was weird. To think how many quilts / playmats i've made over the past few years & never once occured to me that any of that made a noise! I had never used a rotary cutter before I lost my hearing - I wasn't into quilting at that time. 
  • I also heard my iron steaming on Saturday too ... not much fun that of course, coz it meant I was ironing lol
  • Frypan with oil sizzling on it - far too loud, but cool for a single second when I realised I could hear it (even tho it was a terrible loudness lol)

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